Fresh Perspective on the College Admissions Process

This was going to be a blog post about navigating campus visits. I should probably get right on that, but this is what happened when I sat down to write. It is for my students past and present. 

Why I Love My Job as a College Counselor

I love my job. I can’t imagine not doing what I do; working with young adults keeps me energized and optimistic. 

I am consistently reassured that the future is indeed bright when I meet with my students and learn about their hopes and dreams and what matters to them. They’ve been through a lot in recent years. They are growing up in a complicated world. They’ve navigated a pandemic, which impacted their learning and social development, but which also taught them much about compassion and the importance of connectedness. I am truly amazed by them. Every day.

The stories I am privileged to hear remind me of the good in the world, and the promise of youth as they consider their futures. I’ve learned about students who love their grandparents or other family members enough to have isolated from friends in the height of lockdowns. I’ve learned about students who have overcome significant health struggles - both physical and emotional - and managed to keep moving forward with their educational goals. I’ve seen students step up as leaders of younger peers to keep connections alive, over Zoom with great creativity, during times when activities weren’t happening. I’ve learned from students navigating the role of being a first born American, aching to fit in with their peers, while still honoring their parents’ cultural heritage. I’ve been told stories of them bravely claiming gender and sexual identities. Their trust in me and willingness to pour their hearts out is humbling. How lucky I am to know these amazing people.

Approaching the College Process with Optimism

I see a lot of anxiety and trepidation about the college process. They absorb everything the media tells them about the impossibility of controlling their next step. At the same time, they’ve been raised to believe that if they don’t get into a certain type of college, their futures will be compromised.

My central reason for doing the work I do is to help them believe that college is possible for them. A single college may not be, but I try to advance the idea that a good education and a bright future are both ahead of them if they open their eyes to a range of options. For some, I fail to move the needle off the most selective names. For most, I am successful. But for all, the next step happens one way or another. I want to help them see in themselves what I see. I want to make the college process more joyful and optimistic, because it should be, and too often it isn’t.

How to Cope with Disappointment in the College Process

One of the most personally challenging aspects of my work is managing the inevitable disappointment that can arise when students aim high, and it doesn’t work out. However, my job is to create options for them, and if they really take my advice to heart, those well-thought-through choices will ultimately get them the education they want. Sometimes, it takes them awhile to see it, but almost all will be really happy where they end up once they get there. 

Anyone reading this who is looking for a college counselor who can guarantee a specific outcome – I am not your person. I don’t believe in that approach at all. Why? Because telling a child that if only they do X, Y and Z, then they will get in to that one college of their dreams is setting them up for potential failure, and more tragically, robbing them of their high school years. And it is a complete and total myth that students at Harvard have better outcomes than students at “not-Harvard”. There is not one single piece of research to show that, and in fact a lot of research that shows the opposite. As New York Times columnist Frank Bruni wrote, Where You Go is Not Who You'll Be.

Applying to College is About Much More Than Where You End Up

What matters most to me? Helping students learn more about who they are and what they want, and then teaching them about wonderful colleges up and down the selectivity scale. I also work to develop skills in them that will better prepare them for college success. I believe the college search and application process can be a way to help them grow. 

They should leave their high school years having managed through disappointment, tough teachers, adverse grades. They should also have developed some real interests both in and out of the classroom. I want them to develop a sense of autonomy, to know when to ask for help, to feel comfortable with their writing and research skills, to meet deadlines and balance their time. Applying to college takes effort. If left until the fall of senior year, it is the equivalent of an extra course. So, I ask them to work in the summer. That takes commitment to their goals, another skill that I believe is important to college success. I also try to make the work fun. I love when they laugh with me, or even sometimes at me. Laughter is a pretty good antidote to stress. Most of all, I want to be an adult they trust, so that they learn the power of mentorship.

What I Would Change About the College Admissions Process

If there is one aspect of college admissions I wish I could change, it is the disconnect between how students and families view admissions decisions and how colleges make them. 

We ask so much of our high school students during the application process. We ask them to show colleges who they are in their hearts or minds, to try to capture their many hours of an activity in 150 characters, to have deep insight into why a particular college is right for them (rather than that it just feels right), and to show demonstrated interest in multiple ways. And yet, colleges do not make purely personal decisions – at least not on an individual level. I don’t blame colleges for that, but the failure to understand that imbalance, which is most acute at the uber selective colleges, has caused a generation of students to tie their self-worth to whether or not they get in.

My hope is that I am doing my part in my small universe to change that perception. 

Thank you to the students who’ve given me your time, your commitment and your trust. My life is better for having met each and every one of you. I hope I’ve also helped you to believe in your own potential and to be proud of what makes you special and unique.

*For content on campus visits, I suggest this amazing article by Adam Weinberg, President of Denison University. https://www.the74million.org/article/focusing-on-the-right-fit-makes-the-college-search-easier-and-more-fun/