Anticipation: How to Manage the Wait for College Decisions

I have a vivid memory from my childhood of sitting on a couch in my parents’ living room, in my fancy dress, waiting for my sixth birthday party to begin. I can’t recall whether I sat there for ten minutes or an hour, but I remember it feeling like an unbearably long time and that I could hardly handle the anticipation. I also remember my mother encouraging me to make myself busy to help the time go by. I think she asked me to help her with something really grown up, like putting out the lemons and filling the bowl with sugar cubes for the tea she was serving to the other moms. This was in the very early 1970s when people still had tea parties. Keeping me busy and feeling valued was a brilliant move on her part.

The Waiting Game…. 

As we enter the second half of January, almost all of my seniors have made their final college decisions. But not all. Whether by choice or because of the way things unfolded in the fall, or a little bit of both, I have a few who continue to wait. In every case, I am in awe of their fortitude, because they’ve been working on applications with me since last summer, and although all of them have gotten positive news and know they are going to college somewhere, in each case they were deferred or denied by more favorable options and had to pivot to some regular decision applications they’d hoped not to submit. And of course, not all the early action applications they submitted in November have received answers.

 ….And the Waits Can Be Longer Now

One of the more frustrating trends I’ve observed this cycle is the number of deferrals and the increase of early action decisions coming as late as February, only a month before the regular decision releases in March. Early applications continue to soar, and many admissions offices are understaffed these days, leading to an inability of some colleges to properly evaluate their applications in the month between submission in November and what used to be the traditional early action release weeks in December. As a result, they are deferring more to regular decision to give themselves more time and/or they are pushing their release dates much later.

This means that many students who hustled to get their applications done in the fall are not getting answers for three months or longer, which is a very long time and is hard to endure. It raised a question in my mind about whether to continue to broadly advise utilizing early action at all, except often colleges fill most of their classes that way, so in my mind it is still the right choice for lots of students. In the ever-evolving world that is college admissions advising, I will now better prepare my students for the longer waits that are possible. 

How You as a Parent Can Help

If you are the parent of a student in wait mode, I’ve been there as a parent myself. It stinks. It seems like all their friends have already heard. Of course, this is not true because only the students with happy decisions, who have made the ultimate choice, are talking. Nonetheless, it can be a lonely place for a teenager to inhabit. At least in Massachusetts, as I write this, it is also midyear exam week, and for students not yet admitted, the midyear report of their first semester really matters. And they are tired.

My advice is that there is not one thing you can do about the wait itself. It probably seems endless to you too. Whether it is fair to students or not, it is the state of college admissions at the most popular colleges right now. There are practical tasks like writing letters of continued interest, if allowed by a college, in which a student can restate their interest and provide updates on grades, awards or other important developments that have occurred since the original application was submitted. Of course, keeping their grades strong is important too, but that is also true for those who know where they are headed next year.

Beyond that, I think the most important role you can play is to be their cheerleader and communicate optimism. Be positive about any admission, even if it isn’t a top choice. Lean into the fact that a college wants them. Keep them busy. Can you take them on a surprise day out? Give them a mental health day? (Sorry to any school administrators reading this.) After all, they will be going to college in about seven months. Help them see how much you love and value them outside of this rat race of a process. Be present. Spend precious time together. Connect them to other aspects of their life that help to remind them that they are so much more than these decisions.

Colleges Will Render Decisions Eventually

My birthday party finally happened, and as best I can remember it was fantastic! And these decisions will be coming too. Not all will be happy ones, but it will all turn out okay, and most likely a lot better than okay. They will go to college, and you will wonder why you ever wished so hard for news that takes them out of your house. I am mostly kidding about that last part, but truly they really will be gone soon. Please don’t waste these days allowing them or yourself to anguish over the wait, or the decisions ahead. There will be a party at the end. I promise.

 

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Reflection on the Year that Was. Advice for the Year to Come.

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A Guiding Principle for Parents During the College Process